An illness in the family of absent DNB chief executive Rune Bjerke did not stop the Norwegian bank going ahead with its first quarterly results briefing in London.

Thomas Midteide, group executive vice president for media and marketing, told the assembled hacks: "Just like Norwegian-led Manchester United, we have super-subs on the bench. They are well fed and ready to run."

Chief among these was Ottar Ertzeid, group executive vice president of DNB Markets, who made a cheeky reference to Brexit before his presentation when he said: "Not all banks are fleeing the City in these uncertain times."

The lender headed to London because it did not host a capital markets day there in November last year. The results were Bjerke's 49th with the bank. He will be back for his half-century.

Manchester United is managed by its Norwegian fan-favourite, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, who is aiming to catch Pep Guardiola-led Manchester City at the top of the Premier League.

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Carnival Cruise Line offers cruisers a slice of selfie action Photo: Carnival Cruise Line

Never mind autonomous shipping, scrubbers and drone surveys, the shipping innovation we've all been crying out for is surely Carnival's Pizza Anywhere app.

This marvel of modern technology will let guests take a selfie of where they are onboard any of the 11 ships and place their order for $5.

Maybe infamous UK "no ferries, no contract" ferry firm Seaborne Freight can deliver them. After all, it is familiar with takeaway terms and conditions after cutting and pasting them onto its website last month.

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Rudiger Fuchs, former managing director of Flensburger Schiffbau-Gesellschaft, in happier times Photo: Flensburger Schiffbau-Gesellschaft

German shipyard boss Rudiger Fuchs has paid with his job for recent newbuilding delays at Flensburger Schiffbau-Gesellschaft.

TradeWinds was pleased to see no English-speaking journalists went for the cheap "Fuchs Off" headline.

But we await the day when former German international footballer Stefan Kuntz buys his first tanker.

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Venezuela: the stand-off continues Photo: Public domain

Has there ever been a more depressing use for shipping containers than that captured by photographers in Venezuela this month?

Two boxes were placed across a border highway bridge to stop humanitarian aid coming into the poverty-stricken country as the stand-off continues between President Nicolas Maduro and his putative successor, Juan Guaido.